Cumber vs Pig
I heard an argument played out in the media, that the Adelaide Vs Port Adelaide rivalry had surpassed anything else that World sport had to offer. Perhaps – however again they’ve ignored the greatest rivalry of all time – Kew Cumber (Cumber) vs Bendigo Bank Pig (Pig).
It’s a bit like arguing who is the best ever batsman – Ponting or Hobbs – whilst ignoring Bradman – for there simply is no comparison. Or the best ever hockey player – Charlesworth or Dwyer – and ignoring Cleave. Ridiculous.
Yes, the greatest rivalry of all time is Pig and Cumber. Whilst ham and cucumber sandwiches sound tasty – they’re poison. This feud has been simmering for years and finally – at the Kew Hockey Club Family Day – their bitterness was laid bare.
Cumber lined up with the stripes (or course). Pig chose the red bibs. To appease the Grandparents at Family day the clash commenced with a Bully (bring it back). And then it was on….. No matter the little Minkeys in the way – Cumber and Pig had a score to settle.
Small children were bowled over at regular intervals whilst the “larger” players claimed to be visually impared. This I don’t believe because both Cumber and Pig’s eyes are huge. And they’re always smiling….. Just when it was getting interesting full time was called – the score “Nil, Nil”. (I wonder – what was the score at halftime???).
So the Umpires called for the tie breaker – Sudden Death Penalty Strokes. Pig shoots, Pig Scores. Cumber shoots, Cumber scores. ONE ALL. Pig shoots – SAVE by the Greatest Green Vegetable. And here it is…. Cumber shoots – GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL. THE CUMBER IS GOING TO GERMANY… THE CUMBER IS GOING TO GERMANY. (Hans – don’t you dare take the Cumber to Germany).
Accusations were rife of a rigged result – whereby the President was heard to say “You’ve rigged it the wrong way – should have looked after the Sponsors.” I wonder if Betfair will open a book on next year’s contest?
Interviewed after the game and nursing a damaged hock the Pig was understandably frustrated at all the negative publicity leading in….. “How is it that I cop the rap for Swine Flu – and it only happens in Humans. I reckon Cumber has Aphids! Next year the Cumber will be Salad.”
The Cumber graciously accepted the plaudits of the massive crowd (let’s face it – it’s the biggest crowd of the year at Elgar….) – before dropping into line and ordering a Pork Roll. Radio coverage of the game struck some interferance – there was lots of crackling. Following the game Pig and Cumber showed their true class by providing hugs all round for all their little team-mates.
What a great day – lots of cakes, crazy inners, great food, Parents vs Kids games (but the parents never got the points), dodgy gates, grandparents and even an ambulance. Thanks again to our wonderful sponsors Daiken, Woolworths and especially our friends at Bendigo Bank Kew East.
Big Congratulations to Ray and Geraldine – and all their helpers. This correspondant reckons the club is in very, very good hands
